Every day, I get high. Been high on the job, at the grocery store, the dinner table. Sure there are moments – embarrassing wobbly-body, ground tumbling moments — that have caused me to consider quitting . . . tomorrow.
You see, right now, my heart is racing and my pupils dilated in sheer anticipation: the cutest heels are on sale at Target, and my size 8 tootsies are ready to drink them in, taking me from 5’ 5” to 5’ 8” fast, getting me high in a heartbeat. Instantly, my mood and body are elevated; I feel oh, so incredibly good.
Head over Heels
“You really should wear sneakers more often,” warns my flat shoe-wearing friend as she hands over an article about snapped ligament risks. It suggests we put our foot down on heel-wearing tendencies, for the love of our arches and health of our spine. My Jolly Green Giantness skims the article, then responds. “Nah.” Right then, as if by design, I magically descend from 5’ 8” then 5’ 6” to 5’ 5” in front of her very eyes, my heels slowly sinking into the soggy ground we’re conversing upon. Flat Shoe smirks. Whatever.
Why, she wonders. She offers up Shoe Psychobabble, suggesting that my enjoyment of heels is an outward declaration that I sometimes have my “head in the clouds.” (Well, I’d like to think it puts me at least two or three inches closer to them, anyway). Flat Shoe continues: Perhaps they demonstrate my need to go “above” and beyond, and may even suggest a constant making up for any perceived “short”comings in my life, or a need to always be on the “up and up.” Wow.
On the other hand, she says it’s indicative of my enthusiastic nature to “step it up, rise to the occasion, get a leg up on tasks and have fun . . .” Wow again. So literal.
However, it’s her final comment I enjoy the most. She points downward at my shoes, muddied heel and all, and mumbles, “Well, those are kinda cute.”
Justification for Higher Elevation
Flat Shoe’s ramblings gnaw at me like last week’s almost-healed toe blister, making me unusually aware and intrigued by us persistent heel wearers. So rather than see it a display of “short”comings or wonder why my tendon isn’t mendin’, I decide to have some fun with it all, putting my own positive, silly spin on this (because my head is apparently in the clouds, you know). Kind of the anti-podiatrists creed of sorts. If a favorite color, animal or meal supposedly offers up snapshots into our collective psyches, so too, can something be said about pumps and the people who get pumped up over them. Just who are we, these mysterious creatures who enjoy the high?
The Heel Wearer is:
Considerate. Much like the throat clearer or nose sniffler who intentionally makes the noise in an attempt to pre-announce – and therefore reduce the startle effect – on the person he is about to approach, heels too, provide adequate warning. The rhythmic click-click-click of heels, growing louder from the distance, provides sufficient time for others to, say, minimize inappropriate website screens.
Fun & Spontaneous. Consider the phrase about kicking up your heels. Why, of course! One gentle, nonchalant kick of my ankle and off they fall, allowing me to run around barefoot in the grass at a moment’s notice or better yet, declare that I’d prefer footsies over fries at the restaurant.
Uncomplicated, Free. No tying, no double lacing —quite literally — no strings attached. Simple, genuine, pure and uncomplicated. Feet need not hide behind the confines of socks, smothered yet again with layers of leather. My sole is free, relaxed.
Determined & Flexible. There’s a certain persistence (some may say stubbornness) displayed in carrying groceries uphill in heels, all while dodging gravel, chipped concrete and other distractions. I’m oddly proud at this ability to walk, even run, up hills and down them. It’s strangely admirable (I think) to be able to face changing terrains with ease, circumventing puddles with a graceful, fluid deer-like leap, landing only with a minor quiver of the right ankle. Uneven cobblestone? Tree roots unexpectedly poking through the ground? Bring it on.Environmentally Conscientious: Heels, as they poke mini holes in lawns, aerate the soil, allowing homeowners to bypass the tedious springtime process. The action also provides a great start for lawn-boring creatures (not ideal for the humans, I realize). Plus, sockless feet contribute to less of a laundry load, thus reducing water consumption and keeping our reservoir supply fuller than ever, leading to an eco-happiness that makes one want to hug the Cheerio-buying stranger in the supermarket for no reason and engage in random acts of kindness worldwide . . .
(Head in the clouds, hmmph.)
Clearly, this is all a bit of a stretch. Overly literal. Bottom line is, I wear ‘em for no other reason than I like ‘em. Yes, they are impractical some days, downright foolish-looking others. I may teeter at times and shiver at others, but in the end, I’m always very comfortable in my own shoes.
Jennifer Lilley, 35, says as much as she enjoys heels, it’s wearing them, not shopping for them, that gets her pumped. She admits to recently thinking Jimmy Choos were a kind of new Twizzler or gummy bear candy, and prefers the fast, fun, affordable finds at the likes of Target, Kohls and yes, even CVS. As for the overanalyzing, she says there’s nothing more to why she wears them other then just simply liking them. Case closed. Even Freud once said, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”
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